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14 March 2015 @ 08:19 pm

Poppy & I | Best friend loved and missed <3 | 2008

Entries preetty much 99.99% friends only.

ETA: Have moved on to new journal. Comment to be notified of new address. :3
04 September 2013 @ 11:18 pm
Sometimes I think I hate people more than I think I do.

I'm feeling very bitter right now. I do know some of the things that are contributing to it. But I'm very mixed up. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I would want. I don't know if I'm pressuring myself because I think it's good for me, or if I'm trying to change me. I don't know.
16 January 2013 @ 11:51 pm
It's been a while since I've felt this slightly inspired. I daresay, I think it is time for a midnight run.
01 December 2012 @ 10:02 pm
Do you ever think those thoughts that somehow grab you, and you're flashed back to those days that were so powerful, every detail seems preserved, and it feels so real, and present?

I've been not a happy camper lately, and with as down as I've been, it's made these really sensitive memories of mine much more accessible. I've been remembering my dog Poppy, and suddenly I realize what it felt like to have her here, to be together, and I have almost involuntarily been having these memories come back to me. The days before we let her go that were almost iconic in their beauty. The memories literally, in this really dreary and melancholy state, sound like heaven, and like someplace I would like to exist in. Accompanying Poppy in my grandparents' large secluded yard. The sunny air, which I only liked because I knew Poppy liked the sun. Walking with her as she sniffed about dandelions and tall grass. It's putting me in such a weird place. Man, I miss her so much.
30 October 2012 @ 03:42 am
I MEAN it's just kind of funny if you're gonna judge someone for liking what some people would describe as being a horrific movie. But then you're a less kind person than said person? So by judging the person harshly, you're really only degrading yourself all the more.

I have SOME logic going into that sentence but I don't know how to properly translate it. It makes no sense as it is.
23 August 2012 @ 12:01 am
Who else on my f-lit watches Dexter?

I am re-watching the first season for like...literally the 6th or 7th time in the 3 years I've known about Dexter. The first season is forever my absolute favorite, thanks to Rudy. (I prefer calling him Rudy rather than Brian. XD Rudy seems like...his "I'm a cute and friendly nice-guy!" name. So it feels like some sort of inside joke to use it. You know, because I have alternative realities in which I am best buds with all of my favorite villains.)

My reason for bringing it up is to express my sympathy for Debra. Whenever Rudy proposes to her and she's all excited, then he reveals to her that he's the Ice Truck Killer, and then she's trying to convince him to spare her...I am so very embarrassed for her throughout it all! I am all like amused and enjoying watching Rudy be who he is, and then cringing on the side, wincing to myself, "Oh, Debra...oh, Deb." Oh poor you.

On a separate note, I think I am going to make a more legitimate come-back to livejournal this year. :D Because I have stuck with livejournal this long, and I really do like journalling! It always makes me sad when a lot of my original LJ buddies have stopped their blogging, and I really hate to delete them, in the small chance any of them come back. But it bothers me to have them on my f-list because it feels like clutter. Like my f-list is a glass, and all the unused journals create this unfulfilled, mostly empty glass. Anyone else like that way? But alas, I don't think I can delete anymore people. I love you guys, you dudes that are not reading this.

And you dudes that ARE reading this. It makes me so happy, the people that are still here.

So yeah, expect more updates, at least once I return home. I think, for consistency, I will give myself a 2 or 3 updates a week, to help add some structure to my unstructured life.

We have maybe two openers left before we get to return home. So we may only be here another week! CAN'T WAIT.

ETA: We just finished fishing today. We will be on our way home tomorrow!!!
12 August 2012 @ 04:01 pm
Here's to hoping the $500/month place in Edmonds is available in September, and that I get it before anyone else.

Unlikely! But if it works out, it will be my first place with no roommates, and I will be able to get a dog. =)
30 May 2012 @ 05:03 pm
Finally had a confrontation with my parents. They brought it on. It was kind of horrible, because I was all emotional and my mom was trying to be my therapist, and they just CAN'T understand what I'm going through but they think because they have 30+ more years of life experience than I do, they MUST know what it's like! There was a point where my mom was like, "then we need to come see you with your therapist so we can know that this is real."

Yeah, that's right, that just happened. WTF. By the end of the debate, they seemed to feel bad, and were letting me be. I swear I do NOT mean this in a malicious way, but I think that it was good of them to feel bad. Now they have some inkling of what I'm going through and it will be healthier for me that they just stand back and let me deal with it.
29 May 2012 @ 05:13 pm
My parents are kind of being little dipshits. They do NOT understand what I am going through, nor do they try to ask. I don't really want them to ask, but when they start ridiculing me for this or that, I try to tell them that they don't GET where I am coming from. I've expressed to them that I am talking to a therapist, I am trying medications, just because I'm not outwardly like bawling my eyes out or whatever doesn't mean that I'm not having a hard fuckin' time.

It's little things like just cleaning my room. "You really need to clean your room," they say. I know that. But my paper & presentation and composition are BY FAR priorities over my ROOM. But I can't bring myself to work on them because I'm too anxious, I'm too unmotivated and discouraged. So when they see me wasting my time, of course they're thinking, "she's so lazy, she needs to be doing these chores." But I'm effing wasting my time because I get too worked up when I try to focus on the important things! When I'm happier, I can clean my room with no problem. I've done it before. Right? But how can I focus on cleaning my overwhelmingly dirty room right now when I'm trying to get my life together? When I am hating what I am going through in life. I am so unhappy.

I am sorry, I usually don't like doing angry LJ posts, but I had to vent. I try to tell them, "you don't understand," which is THE cliche, but its true. And they say, "I DO understand! Nah nah nah nah blah blah blah." How am I supposed to communicate with them? The fuck.
25 May 2012 @ 03:20 pm
I miss reading. =\